Am I fine ?

Since I no longer look as my former self in my own eyes, its only fair I remove my earlier indulgence.

My eyes are burning as though I haven't managed to blink for past so many hours. Considering the fact that I slept for more than eight hours last night, this seems baffling. But that's me, always creating problems, all for myself.

I've been on bench for the last two complete months. Today finally when I seeked something out of my account manager, I was told they cannot release me from this office because they are anticipating some manpower requirements in the near future. And guess what, that was said to me a month ago too. Queer, things have a peculiar way to turnup again. Specially the nasty ones. As for me, I'm tired of bullshiting around.

This has been the longest vacation of my life so far. I placate myself into believing that I'm enjoying myself, but the truth is that this is the darkest period of my life. I never told anyone, but now I'll mention it. I had the worst tragedy of my life, just twenty days before I began my professional career. Funny, I began with a feeling that I had been responsible for this tragedy caused to me and my left over family. And now, I even cannot regret it. My hands are numb while typing this. Now I have no one to speak to, so I'm writing this down even when these numb, lean pieces of bones and flesh sticking out of my hands betray me. Sincerely I hope this pain never ever wears out, as I truly deserve it. I wish it continues for as long as I'm here. Sometimes more pain helps you cope up with the minor quantity, and further more, it over takes you, finally when it's your time to apologise and rest in peace.